Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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