Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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