I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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