i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
People in love make me want to vomit
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
