Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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