When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
