my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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