Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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