Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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