Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
