I have demons in me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
