You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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