She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
