i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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