Soap is not a condiment
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
