If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
