Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize