Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
