I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
