hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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