I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
