So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
