I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
