I wish I only lived at night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
