Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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