i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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