Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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