The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
