you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize