oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
