i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
