Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
