your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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