Need sex. Gaining weight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
