ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
