Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
