'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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