I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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