so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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