Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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