Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
