in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
