i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He did a backflip because drugs
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