Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
