i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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