Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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