u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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