I'm jealous of your bromance
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
