She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
