I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
