If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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