Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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