STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
