Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
