I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i barfeds in our rink
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
