So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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