Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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