Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
