Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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