Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
