I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
