Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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