His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
