where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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