I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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