I just pynch a tree in the face
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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