worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
