In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
