i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
