When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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