Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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