dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
