and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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