I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize