The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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