dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Found your dick twin last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
